Taco Conspiracy Theory

So, yeah. Haven't written in awhile. Not that stuff hasn't happened, I just, well....haven't had the writing bug bite me I guess. To break the dry spell, I'm taking on the subject of my lunch today: tacos. I am going to propose a theory, a conspiracy theory if you will, about the state of tacos in today's fast food market. I'm not holding back here people, so if you've got dainty taco-lovin' ears, you may want to cover them for the rest of this blog entry. Er, maybe cover your eyes too.

A couple of weeks ago I purchased a taco. Yes I know, throughout my life I've been called "The Burrito Kid" by my family, but I do enjoy partaking in a nice semi-triangular crispy shell now and again. This taco of 2 weeks ago was called a "Macho Taco" from a fast food chain we'll leave unnamed (but it rhymes with Del Cracko). Now I'm not usually in the buisness of ordering anything with "Macho" in the title. However, they recently removed my favorite taco, the "Ultimate" from the menu and replaced it with this one. So, I'm thinking, okay, same taco, new branding. I was most assuredly proved wrong when upon opening the wrapper back at my desk, finding not my usual medium sized white corn taco shell, but a grotesquely large yellow corn shell in its place. The shell, much to my chagrin, was absolutely smashed to bits, because it could not withstand the pressure of what was bursting from it's delicate corn shell lips. We're talking beef, lettuce, cheese, chunky salsa, tomatoes, pico de gallo, cilantro, onions. It was insane and one heck of a mess. Now I understand the desire to pander to the semi-truck driver named "Bubba" in all of us by making something abnormally large and slapping "macho" on the title. However, why on earth wouldn't you make a shell that could withstand the g-force of the filling?

I begrudgingly got up and snatched a fork from the kitchen to eat my taco. Eating my now taco salad on a wrapper, I thought to myself, "Well, self, at least you know this just wasn't your taco kinda day. Buck up, the next taco you buy will certainly be better."

Ha. Cut to: Present day- lunch hour yet again. Yes, I'm having a taco. But I've LEARNED, see, and THIS time I've purchased one from a Cracko rival, "The Bell". No "Macho" in the title this time, just your average run-of-the-mill, beef taco. Sadly, this too was crushed beyond repair. No help but to use a fork or get it all over myself Carl's Jr. style. And no, it's not sexy when salsa drips all over your skirt at work. I know the hard-working advertising campaign of Carl's Jr. would like everyone to think that, but, no.

So where exactly is the conspiracy in poorly made tacos, you ask? Keep your eyes on the horizon folks for taco tie-ins like "taco bibs" for that oh-so-messy taco fun and "taco cozies" to hold all those crazy toppings. Only $4.99 at participating stores.

Or it could have been just a run of bad taco luck. Riiiiiiggggghhhhhtttt....